In Trials on
2 September, 2015

Anxiety or Trust, He Holds The Pen


Each year when summer turns the corner and we approach the promise of fall, I can’t help but be reminded of God’s promises and all that He has done in my life. As I reflect on the changing seasons outside, I also find myself reflecting on the changing seasons in my own life.

At this time in 2014, I was losing hope in a situation I had been stuck in for more than a year. It was a season of frustration, anger and anxiety. During that time, I lost nearly 20 pounds of unexpected weight (despite my already petite frame) and lost my focus on 1 Corinthians 10:31. Truthfully, I became wrapped up in myself, in finding my own comfort and in trying to get myself back to where I wanted to be–back before the storm came rolling through.

There were many times throughout that journey when I asked God to remove my trial. “Lord, take this cup from me,” was my frequent prayer. But He allowed me to walk through the valley. He let me fall on my face with nothing left to do…nothing to do but trust Him.

It’s funny how God’s grace works, isn’t it? Sometimes, even though we think His grace should mean relief from our troubles, His grace ends up being the troubles themselves. Had I not gone through that valley–had I not known what it meant to be desperate for His help–I would not know God like I know Him now. I wouldn’t trust Him like I do now. I wouldn’t be able surrender control of my life like I can now.

So today, I am sitting here on the other side of that season, thankful that God led me through it. I’m thrilled that I’ve gained my spiritual and physical strength back. I’m stronger, healthier and more dependent on God. Though this be but one small chapter in my life, it has taught me much. God is constantly writing my story, and I’m so glad he holds the pen.

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

(Psalm 139:1-16 ESV)

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  • myimmanuel

    Thanks for sharing Jennifer! Congratulations on becoming married. I like the part about learning how to be desperate for God. I have been reflecting on Psalm 63 and the verse that expresses the soul clinging to God and right hand upholding me. I think of psalm 63 when I read about being desperate for God.

    2 September, 2015 at 11:53 am Reply
  • Pastor Terry

    I really enjoyed your post for today – deep, personal and very meaningful! Thanks for sharing what you and God have been up to! Blessings!

    2 September, 2015 at 2:54 pm Reply
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