Dear Bride-To-Be, do you really know what’s important in this chaotic season of life? I’m sure you probably set out in the beginning with every intention of getting the details right, keeping peace with family and sticking to your schedule–but how’s that going for you right here, right now, today?
This time last year, I was knee-deep in wedding day details. It had been five months since our engagement and I was just about ready for it all to be over. My head was completely in the clouds (or rather, somewhere in sunny Jamaica), yet at same time I was so stressed out that I lost sight of what was truly important. I quickly found out that when things didn’t go my way, I had two choices: accept it and move on, or sit and wallow and pout. I hate to admit it, but I sometimes chose the latter.
I could spend this whole post by listing all the things that didn’t go my way during our engagement. I could get into arguments, drama and frustrations, but it’s honestly so petty in retrospect, so I’ll elect to pass. The bigger picture is this: No engagement is perfect and certainly no wedding day is without flaws, so dear friend, please don’t aim for that. Do yourself and favor and remember what’s important.
Instead of worrying myself about the ring, the dress, the invitations, the band — I wish I had been more focused on preparing for my marriage. Although we did have great premarital counseling, it wasn’t always our main focus. Some days, we were so overwhelmed that it was sadly just another thing we checked off our list.
So then the wedding was over, and the honeymoon, too. And in the weeks that followed, I became extremely self-conscious about my capabilities as a wife. Some nights I would lay in bed and wonder, am I doing a good job? Am I fulfilling my wifely duties? Is my husband happy with me? I mean, for crying out loud, there were times I wanted to break down over a failed dinner. Even the smallest things made me feel like a bad wife.
How ridiculous, right? But if I had spent my whole engagement measuring my happiness and success by how well my plans worked out, why would I expect things to be any different in my marriage?
This was a difficult lesson to learn. It was humbling. I’ve realized–and still am realizing–that I have to constantly surrender my plans to God, trust him with the outcome, and be the best wife I possibly can be…where it matters.
You see, I’ll never be the perfect wife, the perfect cook, or the perfect homemaker, but if I can put myself aside, submit to my husband, serve him, support him and love him in all things, well–that’s enough. That’s all the wife I need to be.
I know it’s hard to see right now, but try to put things into perspective. When you find out that the flowers you want aren’t in season, when one of your bridesmaids hates her dress, when your parents insist on the indoor reception…hold on to the bigger picture. Remember that you are so blessed, my friend, and that your future husband can’t wait to marry you! Let this season grow your relationship with God, with your fiance, with your family and with your future family.
Don’t hold grudges. Don’t judge. Don’t jump to conclusions.
Instead, pray. Thank God for blessing you with this crazy-busy season of life. Breathe. Make the decisions, one by one, with a level head. It will all be over before you know it and you need to let God prepare you for the new season of life that’s in front of you. You can start by studying what the word has to say about being a wife, and asking God to mold you every day into the woman he made you to be.
10 An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself[b] with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.[c]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.